Fantasy Lockout

Now let's just say, for arguments sake, that there IS NO NFL this year. The lockout IS in effect. The biggest question on everyone's mind is: How will this effect Fantasy Football?



Good question losers.

I believe true fantasy players are lockout and recession proof. Those addicted will be able to find other fantasy outlets to support themselves; albeit fantasy baseball, basketball, lawn darts, ring toss, fantasy fantasy watching etc.

However those fans who refuse to step away from football, and refuse to drop Dwayne Bowe from their team (he was a great value pick for me in the 5th round!) will have to be a little creative.  The rules may change and become somewhat mundane. Like for every 10 yards of Rashard Mendenhall's lawn that he mows is a point. Front and back included.

Or maybe whenever a wide out or running back takes the family dog for a walk, tally up the feet. Grant point per dog as well as return yards- you relentless Reggie Bush fans!

If that's not enough for you, maybe we can take it a different route and support the players based on moral decisions.  Drew Brees looks like the type of quarterback that would pick up his kids from soccer, drop them off to their friends birthday party, get the groceries his wife forgot to pick up yesterday, and still make time for in-laws. That's a big weekend.  You're looking at an easy 40 points.

The list runs on. For those of un-fantasy football fans I dare you to call my bluff come NFL season. If you really don't believe nerds like me aren't capable of manufacturing new ways to creep on and live vicariously through professional athletes as a means to avoid our own pitiful, upsetting lives then my friend- I dare you to watch Albert Haynesworth down a reuben sandwich and NOT find me in the corner recording point per pickle.

You won't.