Looking to make a big splash at the 2012 summer games in London, 14-Time Olympic Gold Medalist, Michael Phelps unveils, "The Catfish", a full-length goatee with prominent chin-hair qualities that resemble the barbels of catfish.
"It feels good to set a goal again." Phelps defended.
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Beginning with the "Pawn Store Clerk", the Catfish stems from a series of on-land, facial hair flops. "It's partly just staying relevant, like big foot or the occupy movement." Phelps submitted to the Opinion Section Editor. Phelps is out to prove he can not only swim like a fish, but look like one, too. |
"I'm getting tired of just being known for my abs. It's like, 'I'm up here, ya know?'" lamented Phelps. Longtime coach, Bob Bowman, stated, "I've known him (Michael) a long time. We've been through the good, the bad, and now the ugly."
Local amateur comedian "Rod Sticks" tried to joke, "...Because he got high, because he got high, because he got high!" Struggling to pun, he went on, "It's tough to pull off with such a sharp, jagged face. He's never looked so angler! Joan Rivers is gonna have a breast-stroke! Luckily she's buoyant!"
Phelps goes on to claim, "It's not only a look, but also a mind game against my opponents. People re afraid to swim next to me. When I show up, people clear the pool. It's all about intimidation."
Amanda Beard, fellow olympic swimmer and ironic last name for this article added, "Ew."
Hoping to hear from local supporters at the nearest watering hole, the catfish declined to comment.
Hoping to hear from local supporters at the nearest watering hole, the catfish declined to comment.
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