cold CUT THE CRAP.

My bologna has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R.

My bologna has a second name. It's M-A-Y-E-R.

My bologna has a middle name. It's C-A-M-E-R-O-N.

Though he boasts it's "D-A-N-G-E-R", don't believe him. He's full of himself.

My bologna has a confirmation name.

It's R-O-M-A-N-U-S of R-O-U-E-N.

My bologna had a stage name.

It was S-K-I-N  P-A-N-C-A-K-E.

It's now K-E-V-I-N  S-P-A-C-E-Y.

My bologna has a wife. It's V-I-V-I-A-N.

They have two kids.

It's C-H-A-R-L-E-S  T-H-U-R-G-O-O-D and O-S-C-A-R-J-R.

After the divorce my bologna's ex-wife remarried,
and the new couple agreed to form a two-part surname.

My bologna's ex-wife also kept my bologna's last name.

It's V-I-V-I-A-N  K-E-N-N-E-D-Y-M-A-Y-E-R-D-R-U-M-M--O-N-D-W-I-L-L-O-U-G-H-B-Y.

(He's upper class).

My bologna has a Dachshund.
It's name is B-A-C-O-N.

My bologna made partner at his law firm.

It's Browne, Greenberg, Heathcote, and M-A-Y-E-R.

My bologna's partners are upset with the letterhead.

My bologna has trouble booking plane tickets over the phone with the automated attendant.

"It's D-E-B-I-T!"

When foreigners misunderstand him, my bologna, just gets louder
and spells out what he just said in a more obnoxious tone.

"No! Not 'Men St.' I said 'M-A-I-N  S-T-R-E-E-T'. Don't you speak A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N?

U-S-A! U-S-A!"

My bologna is ignorant, and a bit racist.