This vignette was written by the mastermind that is my longest living friend, Brian Zubek. He has been a friend to myself, and the Scherr family forever. (Fun Fact: He is exactly one year and one day older than me. I am the reason my parents couldn't make it to his 2nd birthday party. He's still not over that.)
 I was pleasantly surprised to find this in my email this morning. For your viewing pleasure I give you Brian's quick interpretation on the conversation that led to the Buffalo Bills' first draft choice in the NFL '13 draft - E.J Manuel.

Art@Work

Just some more doodling over the past few weeks. It was slow bartending. Especially when you ignore everyone. I kid, I kid. (in case my boss is reading.)

Four-Legged Chick Hatches

In unrelated news, KFC launches their 10 million dollar cloning program tomorrow.

Dad Conversing With Grandma

Dad, early 60's, relaxing after a long day from work and Grandma (GMa) old, relaxing after NCIS marathon, sit at the dinner table. I, late 20's, ridiculously good looking in sweat pants, watch in observation. We are all conversing over a warm bowl of leftovers.

 

Dad

"WTF." Do you know what the means?

GMa

what?... I didn't catch that.

Dad

"WTF." Do you get it?

GMa

...... . ....

Dad

"W. T. F"

GMa

...I don't know what you're saying.

Dad
(laughing) Forget it. I'm leaving.

GMa

(upset) Well what the hell?!

Me

Getting warmer.

(laugh track)

End Scene.

Maria Menounos strips after losing Super Bowl bet; viewers wished for colder day.

Maria Menounos sports a teeny, Giants-themed bikini in between some other guys I don't care about.

Worst Places to Comedically Spit Take Your Drink

• Fitting room of a bridal gown shop
• Outside in a rain storm (who would know, right?)
• A spit taking intervention
• Nursery ward
• Most sexual positions*
• Poker table with trigger-happy cowboys in the 1800's
• "Peace Talks" Nato deliberation
• The desert (conserve on resources)
• In your Darth Vader Halloween Costume 
• At trial
• Your boss's face
• Your boss' face

*some may disagree and even encourage during.

Acceptable Places to Spit Take:

• Comedy clubs
• Restaurants with peanut shells on the floor
• The break room at a poison control facility
• Wine Tours (discern oaky or berry flavors before doing so) 
• The result show of Next Top Chef
• Your windshield after a coast to coast road trip  
• The breakfast table with anxious, sexually-active women who have big news and missed their periods. (surprise!)

HIGHLY Acceptable Places to Spit Take: 

• At the coffee vending machine in a sanitation plant
• At the family reunion next to your sister's boyfriend moments before he explains how he's "already technically" your brother-in-law.
• Dinner table with the Klumps (let the hilarity ensue!) 

Spit Take at Tim Hortons

I've longed- nay begged- for a moment in my life where it would be acceptable to spit take. By that I mean, upon hearing a shocking statement, I'd react by expelling my beverage or "spit take" in a fashion commonly found in situation-style comedy. It may be caused by surprising news, an uproarious punch line, or outlandish, physical slapstick. 

My intentions were simple; seek out an unsuspecting crowd, then generate an avalanche of impromptu laughs from every person in radius of my comedic timing and genius.

Eighteen coffee trips a week for eleven straight years seemed like a promising strategy for such a hilarious occasion.

Choose the Best Answer for Each Question

Choose the best answer for each question. Make sure that your answer is clearly marked.

Hidden Dictionary

I recently went to something called a "Library". Tons of books there. Apparently these places are all over the nation, like a chain or something. AND they give you a ton of them for NO charge, so long as you fill out some paper work and be sure to hand them back on time. Late fees will get ya.

Anyways I found a dictionary there and thought I'd share some new words I learned.

Endorsement

Stayed up way too late watching television and came to the conclusion that I would like to endorse money. Do you think I would receive a lifetime supply for being the spokesman?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Research Shows Farmville Addiction Suffers Production Amongst Bloggers

More on this later...

The "Not So" Money Train

Taking the train has a lot of pros and cons. Here are some I was able to discern while traveling:

CalamiTea

For the past few weeks I've kept a Throat Comfort Yogi tea bag in the door of my car.
I left it for the next time I had a sore throat. 

Then I'd be like,

"Man if I only had some Throat Comfort Yogi Tea- Wait a minute. What a coincidence!"

cold CUT THE CRAP.

My bologna has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R.

My bologna has a second name. It's M-A-Y-E-R.

My bologna has a middle name. It's C-A-M-E-R-O-N.

Though he boasts it's "D-A-N-G-E-R", don't believe him. He's full of himself.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

I think enjoying Cinco De Mayo while in front of the computer blogging about enjoying Cinco De Mayo really means you're not enjoying Cinco De Mayo. 

I am wearing beads, however. Only beads.

Who's Usama?

For a second I was worried they had the wrong guy.

Recap of my Bills Draft Day/Royal Wedding Fancy Hat Party!

Wow! What a great weekend! Despite the lockout, any real football fan could still find excitement from the NFL Draft that was held these past few days. Being a huge Bills fan, I was extremely enthusiastic the way Buffalo handled themselves.

But not only was the draft a success, but my Buffalo Bills Draft Day/Royal Weddding Fancy Hat Party was a big hit! Though attendance was low, we were able to enjoy the magic of William and Kate wed under God while in between the NFL picks! Here are some photos to see what you missed!

Ignorance is Chris

If I had my own show on Discovery Channel, I think it would be something like "Ignorance is Chris". I would pitch it as a show that is intended to inform and educate the average television enslaved American; hosted by me, the aforementioned American.

Fantasy Lockout

Now let's just say, for arguments sake, that there IS NO NFL this year. The lockout IS in effect. The biggest question on everyone's mind is: How will this effect Fantasy Football?

NFL Lockout?

Opening season of baseball was the other day and football is still getting more coverage on ESPN, despite the scare there may not BE football this year. And forget about talking hockey; they're only preparing for the playoffs.

Hockey is treated on ESPN like the ginger stepchild that keeps tugging at your pant leg for attention only to find out he brought home a slip stating he got in trouble at school and you have to sign off knowing so. "How come it can never be something positive!? Yes, maybe you should think about the consequences before you go for a cheap head shot!"

..... ............. Eh....
Not my best ginger parent impression.