I've longed- nay begged- for a moment in my life where it would be acceptable to spit take. By that I mean, upon hearing a shocking statement, I'd react by expelling my beverage or "spit take" in a fashion commonly found in situation-style comedy. It may be caused by surprising news, an uproarious punch line, or outlandish, physical slapstick.
My intentions were simple; seek out an unsuspecting crowd, then generate an avalanche of impromptu laughs from every person in radius of my comedic timing and genius.
Eighteen coffee trips a week for eleven straight years seemed like a promising strategy for such a hilarious occasion.
