I have a solution that I wish I wrote in to execs at CBS regarding Two and a Half Men months ago. Alright before you discard this post, hear me out. I wrote this down on a note in a restaurant one night and planned on blogging much earlier. This only emphasizes the need to clean my room. Hate it when mom's right. Continue reading as it gets better. I promise.
Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men.
We all know Charlie Sheen will not be coming back to Two and a Half Men and that Ashton "Nikon" Kutcher has been casted to convince CBS more than ever for a final season. That said- I think CBS missed an extraordinary opportunity to deal with the desperately drunk deviant (fun with alliteration) while making a statement to the public.
Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men.
Before making the leap to having a permanent spot casted in place of Sheen, I say, have an African American actor to tentatively fill in. Play the character EXACTLY as Sheen played it.
Omar Epps, Wayne Brady, the big guy from The Blindside, one of the Wayans, etc.
It doesn't matter who, though it would be nice to have a familiar face. The important part is, after you blast the announcement to every entertainment news source on the planet, make absolutely no mention of it during the proceeding of the show. Play it totally straight like nothing's changed. Don't adjust your T.V's.
Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Whoo- Ha- Hooooo.
Off setting? Of course, that's the point! It's derailing and controversial, but FANTASTIC publicity. Have the suits give a press conference to show that they're just having fun in the board room lately. It's so blatantly obvious it's funny. It'll only provide that extra special proverbial slap in the face to Sheen to show how replaceable he is. I say get Mekhi Phifer and feature Spike Lee as guest director. For all I care have Jaleel White make a comeback to television. (as Stefon playing Charlie Harper, of course) Or have all of them play Charlie Harper one at a time! Cram them all in the same show and each act in a different scene like they did for Heath Ledger. Although, you know, on much happier terms.
The guy was getting $1.8 mil per episode. You can afford an entire African American ensemble.
(NOTE: Not on this list. Tyler Perry. Especially not Tyler Perry as Madea.)
Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men.
Woo- Ho- Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men.
I know that this sounds ludicrous (honorable mention), but ratings will be at an all time high! The show's first episode back will only be that much more memorable. Just look at the pros:
- You're giving devoted fans a blockbuster return.
- Fairweather fans interesting water cooler gossip.
- Enticing new demographics to the series.
- Breaking new grounds on television. (First attempt was casting James Earl Jones as the next Darrin Stephens)
- Displaying dominance over unruly stars.
- and most importantly diversifying your show while giving work to a black actor.
Wouldn't that be rewarding enough?
Honestly, how much longer are we looking to keep this up and running anyways, CBS? Two, three years at best? Go big or go home. I say, once you go black, you'll make syndication. (Was that supposed to rhyme?)
And don't just stop there! If things are really picking up speed, replace Jon Cryer. He's already won his award. And take out that dopey kid, too. He's grown up fast and ugly. I question how he can adapt from "cute" to "charming". Make it a reunion show featuring the cast of Good Times.
Honestly, how much longer are we looking to keep this up and running anyways, CBS? Two, three years at best? Go big or go home. I say, once you go black, you'll make syndication. (Was that supposed to rhyme?)
And don't just stop there! If things are really picking up speed, replace Jon Cryer. He's already won his award. And take out that dopey kid, too. He's grown up fast and ugly. I question how he can adapt from "cute" to "charming". Make it a reunion show featuring the cast of Good Times.
All I'm saying is you know it could be fun, and Wesley Snipes could use the work.
Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- Men. Woo- Ho-Ho-Ho Hoo-Hoo. Men. Men. Men. Men. Manly- men. Men. Men. Ahh- ahh- Ahh. Ahh- Haahh.
MEN.
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